Good Kid Versus Nice Kid - Which One Do You Want?

Good Kid Versus Nice Kid - Which One Do You Want?

The Renegade's Guide - Blog #5

by: Mr. G, Founder of Max Impact Martial Arts

AKA James Gavsie

I hear it from parents ALL the time.

‘My son is a pushover, he won’t stand up for himself. He’s too nice.’

‘My daughter let’s her friends walk all over her and she won’t say anything because she’s worried they won’t like her anymore. She’s too nice to them.’

‘My child is too nice to be confrontational.’

The label of ‘nice’ is meaning something completely different than it’s traditional definition. ‘Nice’ is the polite way of saying ‘weak’.

So, if nice is the new weak, what’s the new word for strong?

It’s ‘good’.

And therein lies my question.

What’s the difference between a nice person and a good person?

Let me take it a step further. What’s the difference between a nice kid and a good kid? And, since this a blog that centers around anti-bullying, how does being nice versus being good help?

The answer lies in the definition of each term.

A nice kid is someone who wants to be well liked, so much so that when they get pushed around, teased, disrespected, etc., they become a door mat and take the abuse. Why? Because if they stand up for themselves they may not be well liked by that person anymore. They confuse interaction with friendship.

A good kid is someone who wants to be well liked but will stand up for themselves when they get pushed around, teased, disrespected, etc. In other words, being respected means more to them than being liked.

Guess which one I think bullies will target much more?

You’ve guessed it! It’s the nice kid!

Why? Well, the nice kid will quickly demonstrate that they can be pushed around and not push back. They establish themselves as an easy target. They want to be liked so much that they confuse the interaction with those that push them around as friendship as opposed to abusive behavior.

On the flip side, the good kid quickly establishes themselves as someone who will confront a person who is being disrespectful. Remember, a bully wants an easy target, which translates to someone who won’t fight back or have the ability to get them in trouble. A good kid may be initially targeted, but the Bully quickly learns that they won’t be able to turn their target into a victim.

Let’s take this a step further.

A good kid won’t be afraid of a confrontation. This means the good kid will confront a bully if getting pushed around, talk to a teacher (respectfully, of course) when they disagree with a grade they received, and will apologize and do their best to fix a problem they may have caused. A good kid will also not allow themselves to be overly manipulated, as they know what is within reason and where they should draw the line.

A nice kid, however, will be afraid of confrontation. The nice kid will not confront the bully, will accept the bad grade even if they disagree with it, and will go way overboard when it comes to fixing a problem as they want to retain their ‘friendships’ (as unhealthy as they may be). A nice kid will allow themselves to be manipulated, even when they know it’s unreasonable as they desperately want to please everyone.

Let’s take this another step further. Let’s go into the future by ten years where our kids our now in high school or college. Where kind of friends does the ‘nice’ guy have? Who does the ‘nice’ girl end up dating? What kind of social circles, or lack thereof, does the nice guy or girl have? Who will stand up for them in case they get cyber bullied? We know they will not be standing up for themselves.

In another 10 years, what kind of career does the nice guy have? Will they self-advocate for a promotion? Will they be able to go to their boss or supervisor and ask for a raise or discuss a problem? Will they be dating, or even marry, the person they want or will they settle for someone who is ‘good enough’?

So, after reading all of this, which label do you want for your kids?

Do you want them to be nice or good?

Sincerely,  

Mr. G,

Founder of Max Impact Martial Arts 

A.K.A. James Gavsie  

A.K.A. author of the soon to be released book "The Renegade's Guide to Stopping Bullies"