The Renegade's Guide - Blog #3
by: Mr. G, Founder of Max Impact Martial ArtsAKA James Gavsie
I remember one of my last
meetings that I facilitated as a business analyst. This was years ago, in a
previous life where I was supporting my, somewhat unhealthy, martial arts habit
with a paycheck from the software industry.
The meeting itself was between
two rival groups of software developers who had come to an impasse on some
technical issues. These groups were further made up of individuals whose
knowledge and technical expertise easily surpassed my own. I was tasked with
facilitating the meeting so that the impasse could be resolved. In other words,
I had to make sure everyone played nicely so that the two groups could come to
a mutually agreeable decision. Before the meeting started, the topic of
discussion was along the lines of which was better, Star Trek or Star Wars.
Typical talk for this crowd.
The meeting started with an
explosion of intense accusations, rude interruptions, and an overall lack of
decorum. Keeping up with the techno jargon, as I'm sure you could imagine, was
INSANELY hard to do. The terms being used may as well have been in a different
language.
Not wanting to lose track of
where the groups were I finally interrupted and asked them if they could use
simpler terms so that I could better understand the various viewpoints being presented.
And then there was silence...
Everyone glanced around, looked
at each other, and...
Started laughing hysterically!
Specifically, laughing at me.
There were belly laughs. There
was finger pointing with name calling. My favorite was a comparison between me
and the monkey that was launched into space in the 1960s. The monkey won
because at least the monkey was smart enough to become an astronaut.
Fortunately, I had been in this
position before. So, I waited. It took a few minutes but eventually the
laughter and name calling died down.
Normally, I could let this type
of thing roll off my back. What did I care if this group of people made fun of
me? It wasn't like these were my friends or even direct colleagues. However, I
was the assigned facilitator which meant I had to get results. If I didn't
re-establish power I wouldn't be able to accomplish my task.
So, I stood up in order to get
everyone's attention and said:
'Time for a quick survey. By a
show of hands... Who here has actually kissed a girl? Anyone? Anyone at all?
No? Yeah, I didn't think so. Let's get back to the meeting.'
This was a tactic I had used
before as a facilitator, which was to bring the opposing sides together through
through a mutual dislike for me.
What was the point of my story
and how does this relate to cyber bullying?
With cyber bullying, the
emotional turmoil felt by the recipients is done by a choice they make. It is a
choice to allow yourself to feel negatively about something like cyber
bullying. Is it easy to stay positive and not allow the cyber bullying to
affect you? For some yes, for others not at first. Notice I said 'not at
first'. The reality is that the more you exercise your emotional muscle to stay
positive, regardless of the cyber bullies attack, the easier it gets to come to
a point that cyber bullying will not affect you at all.
I chose to not allow the bullying
in the boardroom to affect me.
Why? Well, firstly I didn't do
anything wrong to merit the attack I received which meant that those making fun
of me were being jerks. And if a jerk is making fun of me for something they
shouldn't then the problem is clearly with them, not me.
Secondly, I knew there was a
chance that I would be on the receiving end of some type of harsh reaction from
one or both sides before I even went into the meeting. I put myself out there
in such a way where there was a real possibility of being targeted. Instead of
hoping that I would never be on the receiving end and/or targeted I accepted
the reality of the situation and further understood that my position as a
facilitator could make me an easy target. Once I really comprehended that fact,
I chose to no longer allow myself to be affected by those who chose to launch
an attack my way. I may have been targeted, but I chose to not allow myself to
be victimized.
When a person goes online,
whether it be through a profile on a social media website, email, or even
texts, they put themselves out in the open. An easy path has now been created
for a cyber bully to send a message your way and/or to inflict you with the
fallout of their bullying.
That's the reality. So, the
choices are twofold:
1) Do you stay away from going
online?
2) Do you allow yourself to be
affected by what the cyber bully says or does?
In today's world we're obviously
going to stay online. The real choice is to either allow or not to allow the
cyber bully to get to you emotionally. If we strengthen our resolve we can
exercise that emotional muscle to such a degree where it's super strong and cyber
bullying has little to no negative effect.
How do we do that? Simple.
Surround yourself with those who are already at that point. Let their example
be your roadmap. Examine how they remain unfazed by unwarranted criticisms,
harsh words without merit, and biased attacks.
By the way, I'm NOT saying we
should ignore cyber bullying. If it merits action then cyber bullying should be
dealt with directly, aggressively, and definitively. But that's for another
blog.
The bottom line is that, like
other types of bullying, a cyber-bully typically has an issue, or issues, that
they aren't dealing with properly and, as a result, they take it out on others.
Don't let the negativity of their personal issues find their way to you!
Thanks
for reading the third blog of the Renegade's Guide. If you agree with what I
have to say, or would like to make a comment about it, please feel free to do
so by sending an email to: info@maximpactma.com
And
if you disagree with what I have to say I especially want
to hear from you! Who knows? You may be able to show me a different point of
view. I'm definitely open to it.
Sincerely,
Mr.
G, Founder of Max Impact Martial Arts
A.K.A.
James Gavsie
A.K.A.
author of the soon to be released book "The Renegade's Guide to
Anti-Bullying"
